Under the Radar

Weekend Reflections

My daughter’s former cheer coach reached out to me a week ago. She wanted Sala to return to the competitive team this year and hoped we could work together to make that happen. I’m not opposed to Sala being on the team and Sala loves competition cheer. However, the logistics make it very taxing. I made the executive decision for her not to participate this year but with me not attending grad school this year, I was willing to reconsider. I talked to my daughter about the possibility of her cheering this year and gave her the practice schedule. The team has a Sunday afternoon practice that overlaps with church. I was sure my daughter would forego church for the opportunity to cheer, but I was wrong. She was adamant about not missing church just to cheer, and I must admit, I was a little disappointed.

In the message preached this past Sunday, the pastor talked about feeling empty. He used the phrase “quiet quit” to describe how some people may feel about their relationship with Jesus, and it resonated with me. I haven’t walked away or made any definitive moves, but I am allowing the distance to grow. My kids haven’t noticed. Other people at church haven’t noticed. I have quietly shifted to a passive relationship with my faith, unnoticed and undetected.

I feel like that is easy to do when there are no real connections or accountability around. There is no one to notice that I typically read Substack articles during church services or that I haven’t been praying recently. I can fly under that radar for better or for worse.

Currently, my daughters see a cardiologist once every two years. They are predisposed to a potentially fatal heart condition. Their hearts are fine now, but the doctors want to be aware of any changes that happen over time. They want to address any problems before they happen instead of after they are an issue. For that to happen, the specialists need a baseline. What does their heart look like when it’s healthy? I appreciate the attention to their health.

What do I look like when I’m healthy? Happy? Stable? Loved?

What do I look like when I’m struggling? Depressed? Anxious? Rejected?

The absence of baseline measures makes it easier for someone to fly under the radar. I think about this as I continue to reflect on National Suicide Prevention Month. What are the changes you see? What do you notice? Is the distance growing? Is there more isolation?

Or maybe the better questions are…

Would you even notice any changes? Is there already distance? Is isolation the norm?

I have so many relationships I need to work on, including my relationship with my faith. I’m under the radar because that is where I’ve found comfort recently. The discomfort will be in emerging but that is also where I will find the healthiest version of me.

Keep Reigning

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